An epilogue for common sense

You have heard of the famous four. Well there were others, fostered out and ignored because they were considered much too common.

Today we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of an old lost friend, by the name of 'Common Sense'.  Common Sense lived a long life but died in the US from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium.  No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape in the House of Commons, later called the pentagon.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense.

He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair, especially in the dark.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second out of two.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression (an underground coal mine), and the Technological Revolution ie Slave labour, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends, body piercing, whole language and even Macdonald's happymeals.

But his health declined, when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus, also commonly known as HIV (the singular of hives).

In recent decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned but overbearing regulations.  He watched in pain as people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and democrats. His health rapidly deteriorated when school senselessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.  It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion. After all who cares a toss, as long as no coke bottles are shared.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments, A christian pop group, became popular, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.  Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel. This happened when he was sentenced to go in the ring with Mike Tyson.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as, those for John Kings low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and free speech for US.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.  He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.

I'm confused about this, because other senses tell me that, there were also five pet monkeys called: Snow Blindness, Sound of Silence, Lets Get Physical, my friend Mental and french speaking Nonsense.

Epilogue - His tombstone reads - 'In memory, please leave a donation quick, RIP Vegas'.
Personnally I'm dying for his service to end. I hope someone is providing sandwiches and something decent to drink. After all, with a dry mouth, it's very hard to swallow. - JK